I woke up this morning and dove straight into the word. No coffee, no shower…straight into the word and prayer. I needed it. You see lately I haven’t been my best. I haven’t been 100% committed. I have become overwhelmed and I have started to fall from my insecurities and felt defeated. I used to wake up daily and go straight into quiet time with the Lord. It was the ONLY way I could wake up. But then it became, ” I am running out of time. Let me start this after work”, then it became ” Let me finish this after dinner.” Eventually my quiet time was non-existent. I found every excuse I could to push it off. Why? I fell to defeat. I gave up. I became weak. But this morning, I praise God for his word. I praise God for waking me up to learn. I praise God that I now feel relief after WEEKS and I mean WEEKS of feeling defeated and like I am just drowning.
This morning I studied Exodus 3. Now most of you know this story. Moses and the burning bush…classic right? It is one of my favorites. But I never really thought about it this way…so hang with me. God brings you what you need when you need it. Amen? Amen. I have let things control my life. I have let things control who I was becoming and how I handled situations. No matter how resistant we are, there is ALWAYS something that controls us. Our employer tells us when we are to come to work, our bank account controls what activities we take part in by the amount of funds we have available, and our attitudes affect your actions. We are controlled no matter how hard we try to run from it.
HOW WE THINK CONTROLS HOW WE ACT. There is so much truth in that. I have been consumed by my insecurities. I constantly felt like I wasn’t pretty enough, I wasn’t good enough, and I wasn’t someone to be proud of. I was embarrassed of what I was feeling. I let my guard down and sought answers in the worst of places. To be honest, I quit calling on the Lord until it got to a breaking point. Why? I needed to change. But it was hard. It was so hard to get back up to where I was. I needed to face my insecurities.
Let’s jump on over to Moses. When Moses encountered the burning bush, Moses turned his face from God. Moses identified the things that were controlling him. He asked, ” Why me?” He knew of his limitations. He couldn’t understand why he was chosen. He couldn’t understand how the people would believe him. But God assured him, he was I AM.
They faced limitations just as we do. We have to face the things that control us. If we do not recognize them, and face them then change is impossible. I was being controlled by my insecurities. I was being controlled by the feeling that I could not be forgiven. I felt like I couldn’t speak because I wasn’t smart enough or worthy enough. Why? I am better than that.
Kasey Van Norman is one of my all time FAVORITE speakers. I had the opportunity to listen to her my first year of college and she is still an inspiration. I listen to her speak often. One of my favorites is her “Crave to Change” lessons. Kasey has overcome many obstacles in her life. One that is known is her battle with cancer. She tells the story of how they had to test her marrow to look for cancer. She goes into detail of the steps and pain that she had to endure ( and I will spare you the gruesome details ) and used it as an example. The word of God goes into our marrow and extracts the impurities. It feels like conviction and shame, and we don’t want to go through it. It isn’t our first choice. Only by faith and that nudge that we can go to the word of God. God wants more for us and from us. He uses his word to do that. It is meant to be convicting because we have to CRAVE THE CHANGE.
Those words cut deep. We have to crave the change so that we change before we are forced to. One of her quotes that I just LOVE is this…” Every great story has a hero. The rescue is the best part.” Jesus is reality. His love is OUR reality.
“Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you.”
You are not this world. Clear the stage. Take away all the things that control you. Find your answers in the Lord God himself. He is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He is the way. Face what controls you. Crave the Change.
I pray for you. I pray that you crave the change. It will be one of the hardest things you do. I am still trying. I am still healing. But it can be done. Dive into his word. Spend time with him. The reality to whatever you are going through is that God loved you so much that he sent his Son to Earth to die on a cross for our sins. HE LOVES US. HE LOVES YOU. I have no clue why it took me this long to figure this out. In all honesty, I always knew. I just rebelled. I was in fear. So while I pray you call out to God and overcome your battles, I ask you to pray for me. I crave the change. But I still need your prayer.